Willy the Intern and the Hummus Chip Factory

It’s time again for another installment of the Farm to Shelves series. I’ve been flying around the country helping with shows and expos and finally I get a week back in the office, where I can finally work in peace and darkness.

They told me I get light bulbs when I stopped being so ugly.

Before we get started, I just want to clear up some misconceptions you might have about where chips are truly made. I’m not making assumptions on your intelligence or anything (I totally am), I only bring it up because when I started working here, for some reason I thought a chip factory would be more magical. Don’t get me wrong, it’s magical in its own right, but not mesquite BBQ river flowing through sour cream and onion valley magical. It seems ridiculous now, but I was hoping for a bit more showmanship.

Like this, minus the raw sewage.

I’m not sure why I thought that; building a factory that impractical would land you out of business before you even installed the horrifying tunnel boat ride. I’m only saying all of this so you don’t get your hopes up when I explain how our chips are made. No flavored wallpaper or dangerously jaundiced little people, just honest workers and sterile, efficient machinery. And at the end of the day, the taste of our chips makes up for the lack of pizzazz of the machinery.

So this is our machine that takes the pellets and turns them into our final product. It is a multi stepped process and that takes around 3 minutes to complete and…. No, you know what? This isn’t working. I thought it would but it isn’t. I’m already bored of this and we are only 1 and half sentences in. We need something to make this process more entertaining. Or maybe someone….

Ok I checked with Gene Wilder’s people and using his copyrighted “Willy Wonka©” character’s image is far too expensive. But, I did some negotiating and for a fraction of the cost I managed to get something just as good.

That’s right folks! Here to guide us through the wonderful process of cooking our chips is Dave Lyons from the 1989 buddy-comedy “See No Evil, Hear No Evil”! Alright, lets get back on track.

So first we have our pellets, which as we discussed before are pre-cooked with flour and ready to be super-heated in our expeller pressed safflower oil.

We then take the pellets and drop them into this huge drum called the “Dosing Drum”. This regulates the amount of chips that carry on to the next step as not to overwhelm the machine.

The chips are then evenly distributed onto a conveyor belt that leads them into the cooker. The chips are slowly cooked using our natural expeller pressed oils until nice and crispy.

After exiting the cooker, our chips are then lightly tossed on a conveyor belt to help dry them of the scalding hot oil. The conveyor makes a strange jerky motion to toss the chips around as it goes through this step. At this point the chips are at a point where they could be eaten, they would just horribly scald your mouth (deliciously). Once they are done getting tossed around, they are ready to be flavored and bagged, but those are blogs for another day.

I want to give a big thanks to Dave for helping us out today, “Thanks again, Dave!”

He can’t hear a word we’re saying. Classic Dave.

Come by next week and I’ll be going into how we go about flavoring our delectable chips.

Stay hungry,

Will the Intern


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s